so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
