It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
