We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
