Having a random hookup so left but love u
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
