i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
