Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
