oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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