I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
