3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
