I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
