he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize