who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She's the barista slut.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
