went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
