Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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