Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
