You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
