Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Houston, we have a blender
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
