didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Such a big mess for such a small penis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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