He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you didnt know i had herpes?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
