so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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