I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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