sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
