You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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