i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
