I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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