chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
