My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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