I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
