My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
