tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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