Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.

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(530): View more from California

i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry

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(770): View more from Georgia

Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up

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