When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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