conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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