We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
