It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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