i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
