The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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