i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
