So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
