can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
