I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
