she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize