can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
