She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
