You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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