i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize