I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize