do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
