It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
