Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
did you just send me my own nude
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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