Life is so much better after having sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
