So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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