So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Come share oat with me in your robe
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
