i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
