i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
