the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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