we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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