white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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