happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
