When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
