Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
