so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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