Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
