Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
