from now on my penis is your penis
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
