Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
