So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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