I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
