Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
