i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
