She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
