lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
