my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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