It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
