do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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