note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
