so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
