but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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