i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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